Trust

I planned to write this blog yesterday, but other things happen and tears came, so I skipped this blog from my list. I'm feeling better now and think this morning is a better time to write it down. When I was walking with the dogs, I remember some things from the conference I had been the week before. So I started to pray to God and found out that I have so much lack of trust towards Him. There are always my questions: why, oh Lord? But I know that there isn't an answer, not immediately. People told me that my being is part of a bigger plan He have for me. So I live here in this family, which is hard sometimes, for His bigger plan. And there it is: my lack of trust... A bigger plan? But I don't see anything of it, I only feel sad and sometimes want to run away. You see, I don't see the good in this all, of course I love them and they're nice people one by one, but there are times they drive my crazy. In that times I can't just think: it's all part of something bigger. But at the conference we played a game, it don't have a name, but one of the group has a blindfold for his eyes and the other team members had to tell the way to the blindfold-girl. After the game, which was really funny, one of the leaders told with us about trust. There is a bibleverse - one of my favourites - and that bibleverse says this: Trust the Lord with all of your heart and don't lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowlegde Him, and He will direct your paths. I think I learned about this games that I am the little girl with a blindfold for her eyes... but there is the voice of God, who direct my paths. His eyes overview everything and I don't see anything. He sees the things that will happen in the future and also knows what I witnessed in the past and maybe the most important thing: He walks next to me everysingle minute. I'm ashamed of all my why-questions, because I think I know things better than He does... but He is God! And I love the way He used his word, the Bible, to stand still by his greatness. It was just a moment of realize, of deep awareness, that He is there, also in the depts of my life.

I will trust Him and walk on the road that He has for me, His bigger plan for my life!